I'm supposed

to be doing other things like reading, or studying, or preparing but I can't seem to concentrate.  I've decided that I would like to vent.  Every time I try I just hear"you'll be fine."  I appreciate, so much the optimism, but I'd just like vent just for a little bit.  

Tomorrow is my interview for candidacy to student teach.  I had to turn in an application, letters of recommendation, and an essay.  Also you have to a 3.0 out of 4.0 GPA and pass your Basic Skills Exam to be considered.  Well my GPA must of been up to par, and my application etc must have been great because I got the interview.  I'm already going to be deferred once because I take my exam at the end of this month so I won't know completely until about March if I got in or not.  You see, you have to be a candidate for student teaching in order to keep on taking Education and Special Education classes.  

I am a teaching of Spanish major and my application went through the Spanish department.  There were only 6 spots for interviews.  I don't know if that was how many applicants or if they had to dwindle down the list.  When asked why I want to be a teacher, where I want to teach, how will I set up my classroom I know my answers.  I've written and rewritten my essay 3 or 4 times, and have answered this question for so many friends and family.  Now what is making me so nervous is that this is all in Spanish.  I have to speak Spanish in front of the two people that will decide what is the next step for me.  Yes I have been speaking Spanish for quite some time but I still get flustered.  Before I answer a question in Spanish classes I think about my answer first, and when I get called on randomly my face gets steaming hot and I get nervous.  I only know of what they may ask me because a friend of mine had hers today.  But yet she tells me how easy it was and not as bad as we thought...but easy for her to say, she is a native speaker.  I can't help but feel they either expect me to be really good because I am a non native who thinks she can be a teacher or they expect me to be horrible for the same reason.  I'm worried that my answers won't come out as well as I wanted them to or that I will be so nervous that I will completely blank.  I don't want to have to reapply next year, I want to pass my exam and get in so I can follow my plan.  This is my next step sort of to beginning my future.  By getting into the program and being able to take the classes I need I can get to student teaching faster so I can graduate and start what I want to do in life...  I can't help but wish that too bad this didn't depend on fashion first. My mom and I went shopping yesterday,  and if it did oh man I would get accepted in a heart beat, haha.  

Overdue

As I sit here, restricted to the living room and the couch (Chris' orders)  I find myself slightly bored.  The reason why I have to follow his orders is because I fainted at work Saturday morning.  I went to go see something that my manager wanted to show me and I got tunnel vision.  Next thing I know I woke up, killer headache, confused and scared to all hell.  I passed out for a minute hit the front of my face and I had a swollen upper lip and then fell back and hit my head which gave me a golf ball sized lump on the right side of the back of my head.  Paramedics came, I didn't go to the hospital.  I was embarrassed I work at a cafe and it was during breakfast so it was busy and here I am sobbing.  My parents came to get me and then I just took it easy but was being watched carefully.  Sunday morning woke up, bad neck pain, headache, dizziness, and nausea.  So my mom took me to the er.  I had ct scans and xrays and thankfully everything came back positive.  But my neck muscles are so tense and it hurts to keep my head up so I have a soft neck brace and was prescribed Valium for muscle relaxer.  Then Motrin for pain.  I've been so lucky though.  My parents have been there and taking care of me.  My mom sat with me for 4 hours in the emergency room.  Then Chris came here on his way home from ISU and took care of me last night and this morning.  I've had friends checking on me.  It feels nice to know I have people that care about me.

On a happier note, school is going pretty well.  Just working hard, doing homework, and getting things done.  I typically stay home one night a weekend to do homework for Monday and so I can relax on Sunday.  I turned in my application for candidacy to student teach so I am waiting to hear if they want to interview me and then when they receive my basic skills exam score we will see if I get in.  This summer instead of Barcelona I might be going to Bilbao in Spain.  UIC isn't offering the program and its touristy so they want students to steer away from Barcelona.  But I really want to go this summer.  So we will see, keeping my fingers crossed.

I'm really looking forward to these next couple of weekends.  With Valentine's Day and going out to dinner and just having a really relaxing, mellow night with Chris is going to be wonderful.  Then the weekend after going to Dekalb, and just getting way for a day.  Then my basic skills exam and sort of getting that out of the way will be really refreshing.